Monday, October 19, 2009

Happy Birthday Mom

Little Sis, Me (preggers with Madeline), and Mom

Today is my mom’s 55th birthday;
Unfortunately, she will never be a day over 54 years and 3 months.
I won’t be able to give her a gift or a hug today.
I won't be able to watch her eyes light up as her granddaughters’ wish her a happy birthday.
We won't be celebrating nor having a grand party this weekend.
I won't be able to call her at work and sing an, out of key, version of happy birthday.

Instead, my girls, my niece, my sister, and I will head over to my parent’s home and visit with my dad.
Maybe we will look through pictures of past times together.
I'm sure that we will talk about some of the wonderful memories we have of her.
We could even blow some birthday kisses up to Heaven.
As silly as it sounds, we are going to bake and decorate some cookies for Nana’s birthday, mainly because I think the girls will like that. She loved to bake and decorate sugar cookies with her granddaughters.

For a moment today, I will allow myself to be sad.
I will think about...
How I wish she were here.
I will think about...
How it breaks my heart that my children will grow up without their adoring Nana.
For a moment today I will think about...
How grief-stricken I am that my sweet Madeline will not be bragged about,
Or hugged and kissed all over.
Or about how she will not be lovingly rocked and sung to sleep,
Or even have any memories of her Nana.
For a moment today I will think about...
How my little sister and I still need our mom.
For a moment I will think about...
How my Dad is lost without his wife of 34 years.

But, I will pick myself up.
I will remember...
That she is in the presence of God.
I will remember...
That she treasured every single minute she spent with her granddaughters, however brief that time might have been.
I will remember...
That,I believe, she is watching over Madeline from Heaven.
I will remember...
How grateful I am to have had such loving mama.
I will remember...
How blessed I am to have two parents who stayed married through all of life’s highs and lows and who were still very much in love.

Most of all today and everyday, I will remember and thank God for sending His Son so that I can, one day, see her again!


  1. Your post made me tear up. I'm so sorry today was hard for you. It's ok to allow yourself to be sad and remember your mom. I've heard it gets easier every year but you will never forget. *hugs*

  2. Amy, reading your post was so touching. You guys are all in my thoughts and prayers! Mrs. Katie would be so proud of you and Lori...y'all are doing such a great job raising her little grandbabies! I can't imagine what your heart is feeling. Please know that I'm praying for you, Lori, and your dad.

  3. This post broke my heart...I love you Amy dear